Mom, No one knows what you are doing….

22 10 2008

So I have absolutely no idea what to post today. But I feel as though I owe everyone a post. And a pleasant one at that – especially seeing as my past post was so, well morbidly depressing (and selfishly so). Of course it is my blog and I am well beyond my means to have a sad day on the occasion, and took my fair share of them. Unfortunately I couldn’t figure out what to do. I didn’t feel like posting about art today. While I find that uplifting, I didn’t really want to go the educational route. I promise, eventually, I’ll get into art. I thought about starting into my research project, but I’m at work and really just did not feel like taking up THAT much time doing that. Albeit my strong desire to do ANYTHING BUT work.

So, I figured I would go for some cheap laughs, steal some if you will, and in doing so I would let you into my own life a little bit as well as honor some of the mommy’s on this board. Especially seeing as one new on here probably needs a bit of recognition. Not in a sympathetic way though. In my opinion, and this IS just me, and this IS my blog so of course, in the main posts what I say does go, sympathy is not always wanted. But sometimes humor can take that edge off. So, brilliant here we go.

I have always had a relatively, interesting relationship with my own mother. Friends, not friends, friends. More often than not though we are buddies. But I guess the real interest comes from the fact that I, for all intensive purposes, can be relatively air headed and have the tendency to say some relatively interesting things. I invite you into an actual conversation of ours:

(Via Instant Messanger – I save some of our better conversations, I’ve changed the SNs for privacy purposes)

Me: So I went to Publix today to get a sub and the chick behind the counter was such a bitch

Mom: ok?

Me: I wanted a veggie sub

Mom: There is a point right?

Me: Shut up, yes. So, I told her I wanted lettuce, tomatoes and onions and prov. And she said there were out of tomato… I was like WHAT are you talking about. This is PUBLIX you aren’t out of tomato. That’s impossible.

Mom: You’re an idiot.

Me: uhm, noooo. Shhh Im not done. So I walked over to the produce and got a tomato and said here and she made me a sub with tomato! 😀 It was all good!

Mom: No, you are an idiot. They’ve recalled all the tomatoes because there is an e-coli scare going on

Me: Oh. Uhm. Maybe I’ll get sick and lose weight.

Mom: I swear, they swapped you with someone at the hospital.

My brother and I also have a tendency to enjoy yo-momma jokes at our mothers expense. Whether or not she is there. We picked this up from our cousins. Poor Mom right? Anyway. The point. One of my favorite websites is called Post Cards From Yo Momma. Let me know if the link doesn’t work btw. Below I’ve included some of my alltime favorites. Mostly because they remind me of actual conversations I’ve had with my own mother.

Mom: So when we come to Sydney can we stay at yours?

Mom: Hello?

Me: Oh. Sure. Well, actually there are a number of awesome hotels just a two minute walk from my house. I’ve just emailed you a bunch of links. Have a look! Am happy to book any of them for you. But, yeah, of course you are welcome to stay at mine, if you really want to.

Me: Mom?

Mom: You were welcome to stay in my uterus for nine months, and then my house for 17 years. But I understand, a week at your apartment might be a bit … much. 😀

Me: Don’t you passive-aggressive-smile-face-ME, woman.

Mom: Fuck off. Love you – M.

_____________________________________________

Me: I’m piercing my nose

Mom: Fine, I’m not raising your illegitimate children.

Me: What?

Mom: You’ll pierce your nose, get a trashy boyfriend and end up with illegitimate children. You and your trashy boyfriend are not living in my house, and neither are your kids.

Me: Wow mom, thanks for the credit. Clearly that’s the natural progression after piercing your nose.

(actually I had this exact conversation with my mom except the catalyst was my getting Nemo, I don’t have any facial piercings)

Mom: It’s funny, I leave food out for the dogs all day and they don’t touch it. They wait until I’m there and then they gorge it all down. They’re like, ‘Karen’s home! Time to eat!’

Me: They call you Karen? Doesn’t that bother you?

Mom: Well, they know I’m not their mom. Actually, I’m sure they have some special name for me in dog-language that I don’t understand, but I’m sure it is very respectable.

Backstory: [this woman is] almost 40.

Mom: Where are you today?

Me: Lynchburg, Virginia

Mom: Oh that sounds fun.

Me: I’m going to run and get a salad for dinner

Mom: Are you leaving the hotel?

Me: Yes.  I’m going across the street

Mom: Well don’t talk to strangers

Me: Thanks, I missed that in pre-school.

Mom: One of these days someone will kidnapp you and I’ll have to get money together to get you back.

So, What are some of the more humorous moments with your kids? Or with your mothers?

Advertisements

Actions

Information

38 responses

22 10 2008
Clo

Rowdy- You’re mom is so funny! We try to act that way around my mom (my favorite thing to do is ask her if she thinks the pope masturbates, and if so, if it’s a sin.) My Mom used to be a nun, she dropped out to have kids, so she’s semi-conservative and therefore gets really mad sometimes when we say inappropriate things, which makes us LOVE to do them. But sometimes she drops the ball and says something. Case in point, one time my sister was just being a big idiot and being REALLY annoying. My Mom looks at her and goes (dead serious) Elisabeth. Stop being a DILDO!!

My new favorite thing to do? Say C-S-er. It really pisses my Mom off. See, Mom has a tendency to like to go to the same places for things. We make fun of her, she’ll drive clear across town to go to a specific Giant Eagle (thats a grocery store, I dunno if it’s a national chain or not) or to a certain starbucks. So, people there get to know her. So she goes to this certain Wendy’s, and the guy there, is just TOTALLY lovin his job. He’s all chipper on the drive thru thing and is all “Hi! And Welcome to Wendy’s, how may I help you today?” so Mom gives him her order and pulls up. My sister and I are already rolling our eyes at what a dork this dude is. So then she gets to the window and he realizes who it is and goes “OH it’s YOU!” and gets all happy. Anyway, when he turns from the window to get her stuff, my sister goes “What a cocker sucker” and my Mom was like “What’d you’d say?” and my sister goes very clearly “I called him a COCK SUCKER” so then my mom starts yelling and I’m like “I didn’t call him a cock sucker” and Mom gets mad at me like “Laura don’t say that I don’t like that word” and I’m like “OK, but I didn’t call him a c-s-er.” and she still got mad. So now it’s our goal whenever we’re around her to see who can say C-S-er the loudest before they get yelled at.

As for funny moments with my child? Really haven’t had very man. In the hospital my sister offered to come help me with Cayden during the day (Jeremy went back to work to save vacay time for when I was out, and they wouldn’t let me have Cayden in the room by myself cause I couldn’t get out of bed and stuff) so Mom was showing her how to change his diaper. Mom goes “Now Lizzie, remember he’s a boy” and my sister goes “What does that mean?” and Cayden shot her in the chest with some pee. Ha.

There was also late at night when I was going to wipe him and he pooped right in my hand. Good times.

Although now he’s starting to smile more. So cute.

22 10 2008
Janelyse829

HAHAHA!!!!
Rowdy this post is hilarious!!!!

um…i had a funny moment with Mom today.

we went to the store and im reading a magazine. i see that she is leaveing so i put the magazine back and i walk with her. she stops for a sec and i was talking to her but for some reason i turned a around. when i look foward my mom has left the store and if half way back to the car. [she walks fast]

Me: Mom! you cant do that.
Mom: Leave me alone. i’m late.
Me: i’m going to get kidnapped if you keep doing that.
Mom: Good! then you’ll finally move out.
Me: getting kidnapped is NOT moving out. besides you would get me back, right?
mom: [total silence and looking at me like i just said i was in love with the president]
Me: RIGHT????
Mom: sure, honey.

okay so maybe its not that funny. [i just read what i wrote] lol

22 10 2008
monkeyspeaks

Yea – I should probably explain the title. It makes sense to me but no one else. When my mom has had one or three drinks in her she likes to start talking to people from across the room. But she doesn’t call out to you or mouth things to you, she starts speaking to you in sign language. Except my mother doesn’t know sign language. Nor does she know a single letter of sign language. So she basically just starts wiggling one of her hands, sometimes both, and generally things the person she is “speaking” to understands her clearly. We all try and explain that no one knows what she is saying BUT she insists that said person knows EXACTLY what she is saying. We usually just make fun of her.

22 10 2008
Janelyse829

Munchkin was at my house a couple of weeks ago. we’re watching cartoons and a commercial for a girlie toys comes on. keep in mind that Munchkin is only three and he is very smart for his age. [he is constantly surrounded by adults] sxo we’re watching the commercial and he goes “that’s for girls like Stephanie” [his little friend] and then he looks at me goes “not for you; you’re not a girl” so i pretend to be shocked and i ask him “so then what am i?” and he says tha i am hin auntie. so i said “okay. but if grandma’s a girls so am i” “no you’re not.” so i ask him if i was a boy. i SWEAR this is what he said. “No you’re not a boy” he lifted his shirt and said “you dont have nipples” i have no i dea where he learned that word and how to use it properly.

23 10 2008
Witchypoo

Hmmm…yes, I do believe Goldie is feeling like her old self, (or, what I perceive is like “her old self”, anyway…whatever – you all get my point, right?). It’s very nice that you’re making wise-ass cracks about whatever strikes your fancy, Sunshine…further proof that your skies are blue once again. I love that song, ‘Blue Skies Forever”; I forget who sings it…maybe Joe Walsh? Anyhoo…so, it’s “Kick-Momma-In-The-Ass-Night”, hugh? Hmmm…well, I come from a very interesting family…complete with a sufficiently screwed-up, neurotic, anxiety-ridden mother. I do love her…though we haven’t spoken or seen each other in years, (long story…not the right time for it now). She’s actually pretty funny in many ways; my little brother and I have spent many hilarious, semi-hysterical occasions laughing about her, mixed in with some bitching. To her credit, she’d often laugh with us during our giggle-fests, if she happened to be around; I think even she had to recognize the truth in our stories and observations. Cloey, you related how your mother can’t stand the word, “cocksucker”?…well, my mom would spew it so often when she was furious, (quite often), we practically thought she’d invented it. Her “pet name” was almost always directed at my dad, strangely enough. She’d just spit it out at him with so much emphasis, it would just grab your attention, like driving by a car accident or something. During their drinking days, sometimes she’d get so mad at my dad if he said something displeasing, she’d make him sit on the couch and let her slap his face. Normally, he’d let her do it, just to get her to settle down, if you can believe that. That didn’t happen very often…but it sticks in my memory, you know? Weird things like that. When I was a teenager, the neighbors saw us, (her and me), jogging through the neighborhood, and they started spreading a rumor that she was chasing me…like she was going to beat me or something. She wasn’t normally physical with my brother and I, though…I wasn’t scared of her or anything. People who don’t tolerate alcohol well, (drunks, alcoholics, whatever term you want to apply), often do and say a lot of things they wouldn’t normally do. After she sobered up and got off all the various tranquilizers her shrink had her on, Mom was mainly just often anxious…pretty verbal when she was mad, but more in a funny way than when she had been drinking. She’s very hard to describe; I don’t want to make her sound like a monster…because she can be really sweet, warm, and supportive, also. We used to talk on the phone everyday…see each other all the time, etc. Sometimes, the past has a way of encroaching on the present, you know? For my part…I’m certain that my two older boys think I’m a combination of an overprotective, (by some standards), often loving, nagging, sometimes irritating, and by turns funny, weird, repetitive, confusing DORK. They learned the word “duche” (sp?) by hearing me mumble it in traffic when I was irritated a few years ago by some driver who’d cut me off…not the best example, is it? They almost peed their pants laughing, though. Hmmm…it’s getting late – more later. Take care, Ladies, and nightie-night.

23 10 2008
lara21167

Cloey I was going ask if you got “it” in the face yet!! I think it was my first day home from the hospital with my son and I had him on his changing table and I had clothe diapers for rags laying out. I took off his diaper and he peed shot it right in my face. And damned if I could find one of those clothe diapers to cover him!!

Now funny moment with my daughter. She had to be no more than 3 I guess. She liked tootsie pops but didn’t want to suck them down to the middle she just wanted the tootsie pop in the middle. So she would give to me to suck down to the middle and give it back. So one day we took my son to his Karate lesson. We are waiting for him and Kristy has a tootsie pop. She hands it to be and real real loud says “Suck it Mommy, Suck it” !! I about crawled under a chair!!

23 10 2008
Gabberjazz

My girls are always doing something for me to shake my head. my youngest one well we were in a changing room and I was trying on a bathing suit she said really loud hey mama you can’t get that one your boobs will fall out. I heard laughter from the other women in their changerooms.

My oldest daughters name is Gabrielle we call her Gabee for short. We were driving along and it was after an 18 hour shift she was talking away and I said Gabee can you just be quiet for a min her response to that was no you called me Gabee for a reason. You can’t help but smile and just agree with her.

23 10 2008
lara21167

Cute stories ladies, yes Janey your story with your mom was cute. What do you suppose that Munchkin thinks girls have if they don’t have “nipples”?

23 10 2008
Witchypoo

Lara…that’s hilarious about your daughter telling you to “suck it” in public. What did you say? Little kids say some pretty embarrassing things, sometimes – regardless of where they happen to be. Heath can get obnoxious in the grocery store, (or just about anywhere else, for that matter). Once, when he was around 2, he called one of my older boys a “dildo”…it was very loud and clear. I thought the lady in front of us in line was going to pee her pants or something. Guess where he got that nice little tidbit? Yup…older brothers are great for teaching the littlest guy “naughty”, or inappropriate words/terms/gestures. I get a variety of expressive looks and other reactions from strangers when we’re in stores and other public places: irritated glares, amused laughs, sympathetic gazes…you name it; my little guy is – entertaining, we’ll say. His older brothers are usually really good with him…Beau gives him a shower every night, (he has for the last couple of years), Chance reads to him, has him glued to his side most of the time, they both lay down with him to get him to take a nap when they’re home, they’re always giving him snacks or fixing things for him to eat, (he’s a “grazer”…eats little portions, all throughout the day and evening), they both let him hang out with them and their friends in front of our house…you name it. When we go to his tumbling class on Friday mornings, sometimes my older guys will come along if they have the day off school, (our district frequently has Fridays off for teacher-training sessions, and various other reasons). Anyway, they’ll sit with me in the “mommie” section, proudly commenting on everything the baby does, (he’s very coordinated, so the moves and lessons they have the munchkins do are really easy for him). He’s tall and muscular for a little guy, (not chunky, though), so most people usually assume that he won’t be as agile or coordinated as the smaller kids…but that’s not the case at all. So, his older brothers will sit there and cheer him on, saying things like, “Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! Did you SEE that sweet rotation around the high-bar?!” It’s so funny and sweet to see how much they love him. Sometimes, he’ll look over at us while he’s hanging upside down or something, and he’ll give us the “Rock on” sign with his thumb and pinkie sticking up; the first time we saw it, we couldn’t stop giggling…I’m not even sure which one of them taught him that. Yes, it’s frequently entertaining in our household.

Janey, the little guys really pick up the gender things quickly, don’t they? My little guy has been telling me for a long time that, since I’m a girl, I have boobs. He’ll see a pretty woman on tv, or in a magazine, and act that bashful/silly way that little boys do when they see an attractive female. My older boys will ask him teasingly, “Is she HOT?” He’ll answer defensively, “No, she’s STUPID!” – with a huge grin on his face. Yeah…that awareness of the opposite sex starts early, hugh?

Gabber…so, you got your kitty-cat back? Your question from a couple of days ago about how much it costs to get a cat out of jail had me scratching my head, until you explained in a later post. Does all that seething hostility from the inmates you keep watch over ever wear thin on you? I might have a hard time remaining detached from all that negativity…I don’t know. Did they teach you methods of dealing with convicts/perps in the training academy you attended – like ‘The Psychology Of Criminals’…or whatever? It must be challenging sometimes keeping out all the “bad”, without also, by default, keeping out all the good at times, also. Do you know what I mean? Or, maybe you just have a natural ability to filter your experiences.

Goldie, your mom sounds really amusing. Is she always funny while drinking? Does anyone ever “sign” back to her, and, if so…how does she respond? It would be hilarious to see two people doing this, (using “pretend” sign language)…and one of them gets offended by something she/he sees, and they get into it – all over an imagined slight, with a made-up form of communication. Something for the hidden video shows, maybe.

Your disclosure about recreational/higher-learning activities, Goldie…let’s just say, probably more people than you’d ever guess have, or did at one time, indulge in one form or another. It’s not for anyone to “judge”. Like Lara, I was a child of the 80’s…when part of the social scene, (I especially encountered this in college), made it typical to be exposed to what you’re strongly hinting at. Don’t get me wrong…I was pretty tame, but I had my giggle/munchie-fests with my friends when the time seemed appropriate. It was a long time ago, and we looked at it as entertainment. Like you said – the key to handling anything is moderation: food, work, love, (ok…that one – love -is a little trickier to regulate, I know), recreation, whatever. Some people are naturally predisposed to struggle with balencing the various components of Life, including “recreational” activities…while others seem to have no problem. Anyhoo…not much you could ever disclose will shock, outrage, or otherwise elicit a really strong response in me; I’ve seen plenty, through close family members, friends, and detached observation of human nature/tendencies in general. I don’t “click” very well with really judgemental, or what I perceive to be “narrow-minded” people, anyway…so, I for one, won’t be looking down my nose at anyone, Goldie. Capiche’? (I probably didn’t spell that right).

Cloey…is the hubby still walking the straight and narrow? (is he trying to be more considerate)? All I can say is…it’s hard trying to balence everyone’s roles in a household with a new baby. The really challenging part for most new mothers is getting enough rest to be able to keep up with the physical/emotional demands having a newborn creates. Men just have no real understanding of how exhausted/overwhelmed their partners are usually feeling, you know?

Take care, Ladies.

23 10 2008
Witchypoo

P.S….Goldie, – the scene depicted at the beginning of your post: I LOVE any form of art, cards, books, etc., that depicts “old-fashioned”, or nostalgic scenes with families…I always have. My beloved Granny, (the one I mentioned who lived in Seattle), used to get out all her OLD photo albums, (going all the way back to the latter 19th century), spending hours explaining family connections/details of various people in the pictures. I just loved her stories; she started this little habit with me when I was really little…3 years-old or so. Anyway, I tend to gravitate toward that kind of nostalgic, sweet form of art…and history – I love that too. I like old advertisements, newspapers…you name it.

Take care.

23 10 2008
Witchypoo

Oh, yeah…here’s a recent tidbit my baby spawn, Heath pulled: Friday-before-last, we were at the high school’s football game, when Heath had to go to the bathroom. So, I take him in the womens’ room and help him take care of business, and then we leave the stall to wash our hands. While I was washing mine, he stealthily, (and very quickly), wandered down to the end of the bathroom, stopped in front of the last stall, bent down, and peeked at someone in the stall. The bathroom was packed with women, as well as teenage girls/cheerleaders, etc. This one snotty, (ok, my perception…but she was annoying, and seemed to think a lot of herself), teenager shouts out, “Hey! Don’t look under there! Did you SEE that?”…this was before I had the chance to get him myself, and correct him. I may as well admit it, Ladies…I tend to bare my fangs where my kids are concerned. So, I whipped around to her and said (in what I’m sure was icy tones), that he was with me and I’d handle it…or something to that effect. She gaped at me with her mouth hanging open, like she’d never been corrected before…utter shock. Then, she wordlessly left the bathroom. After a brief, uncomfortable, (for me), silence, her friends continued with their chatter, like nothing had happened. I don’t know where she went off to. It seems I’m always finding myself in the position of defending my spawn…for one thing or another. It’s hard to be objective, when you’re a Mommie, you know?

23 10 2008
Monkey

LoL. The thing is I don’t care. And once I get to Cali I REALLY won’t care HAHAHAHA. The laws there are much different than here. BUT this is a semi public blog. And while I don’t share my name the fact is I would like to remain discrete in some ways because NORML hasn’t fixed everything yet 😉

I am not embarrassed by any means. TRUST ME. HAHAHA. I enjoy a good munch. I feel like I always will. It is just who I am. I prefer a bag of doritos over a six-pack. (I hope we catch my drift). But for the sake of safety I prefer to downplay certain aspects of my life.

Look, lets put it this way. Puptard is puptarded for a reason.

23 10 2008
Gabberjazz

Witchypoo
Yes I got my cat back and the stupid thing almost fell over again lastnight.
As for you questions about my job hmmm where to start. You become very cold at work towards the inmates I turn my feelings off when I have to interact with them. its something that didn’t take me long to learn. I see dead bodies, men doing things to other men in there things that would make you want to cringe. But it comes with the job. I love my job and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else. But there are down sides to my job too. I can’thave a normal life I have to watch what I do carefully outside of the prison too. I have had death threats while I am at work. Most gurads have different names and addresses in the phonebook, I have 3 different addresses under my name but my real one is unlisted. You have to be one step ahead of the murders. i actually go under my maiden name at work,so they can’t trace my kids. Also there are things that happen between the gurads that would make you ladies gasp

23 10 2008
Monkey

Witchy – You would love my living room… well my living nook then. I have 4 large (I guess 2.5 feet by 1 foot? something like that) cartoons from the 1920s on my walls. Framed of course. They are yellowed with age lol. One of them is a 40 year old man leaving a home in a huff with a suitcase and the old man in the doorway says its about time he ran away from home. There is one of a bride getting her veil put on reading a book called “The Birds and the Bees,” There is one where a lady is sipping a drink I believe and her knickers are knocked off and there is a gentleman smiling mischievously along with her. I forget the fourth. I’ll try and take soem pictures. I also have a myriad of framed ads from the 20s. Like I said, I am a collector.

My favorite era though is the 50s. A lot of pop surrealists take their inspiration from that time period.

23 10 2008
lara21167

Now Witchy that is funny!! He was just a bit curious. Most the girls I know and am around would LTAO (laugh their asses off) at a youngun’ peeking under a stall. I agree I don’t like someone fussing my kids, much rather they come straight to me. And the incident with my daughter, I think I just hurried and “sucked” the damn tootsie pop down to where she could bite it and gave it to her!! ANd probably went outside with her. Been a long time ago.

23 10 2008
Gabberjazz

BTW: You ladies don’t know how many Law Enforcement people enjoy a “Munch Fest”!!!!!

23 10 2008
lara21167

Just thought of another funny thing involving my son. He was about 10 to 12 years old and I was taking my brother in law and his twin sons home. I was always running my brother in law around after he and his wife split. Anyhoo we stopped at a store for my brother in law to run in and get something (probably cigs) After he went in some guy came out. He made eye contact with me ( I was in my car) as soon as he came out of the store. I turned my head and looked down so as not to encourage him. but he must have been staring at me the whole way as he walked by my car because my son gasps astonished and says “MOM, that guy was checking you out” and he turns around to the back of the car and yells “butt hole” (he wouldn’t say ass in front of me then) my twin nephews crack up and I’m thinking why do men have to do that in front of someone’s children. At least be more discreet in front of kids. It was funny though, my son was soooo mad at that guy!!

23 10 2008
Witchypoo

Heeheehee…yes, Goldie: I get your drift regarding having a preference for Doritoes over a six-pack – and I must concur, Sunshine. Hey, your art collection depicting scenes from the past sounds REALLY interesting…just the kind of thing I love! Poignant, with some sassy humor thrown in, also.

Gabberjazz, hmmm…do tell about the things that would “shock” us regarding goings-on between the guards! Are we talking, like…HOT, FEVERED, SEXUAL “things”, by any chance? Hahaha…hope so. Always a pleasure to have details of that kind of nature divulged, I must admit. (Oh…doesn’t just about EVERYONE have a filthy mind, when all is said and done?! It’s human nature, yes?) So, there are people in law enforcement who partake in
“munchie/giggle-fests”, hugh? Interesting…I don’t really know anyone closely in that type of field – so I’d have no idea about that. I suppose it makes sense to need an outlet for easing some of the tremendous stress and ugliness that working in that field would entail, you know?

Yes, Lara…giggle-giggle, my baby is definitely what you would describe as “curious”. He’s pretty precocious, also…with the kind of adorable face that lets him easily get away with most anything like that. The girl that made a big deal out of it…it wasn’t even her in the stall; she was just a bystander. If I remember correctly, the woman who came out of that particular stall just smiled and shook her head in a “Don’t worry about it” kind of way. I was a little flustered at the time, so I may have gotten her confused with someone else. Anyway, I’ve had a little person stick her head under the door at a previous sporting event I was at…I was more concerned for HER sake than mine, you know? It’s funny what the little devils will do. I just keep a policy of not correcting others’ children, you know? It’s just a courtesy/respect thing. Coincidentally, (or mabe not so much so?), Heath’s FAVORITE books are ‘Curious George’ stories, and the “bed buddy” he always cuddles up with is the little Curious George monkey I picked up for him about a year ago.

Hey, Cloey…just wait until Cayden starts doing henious acts and saying mortifying things that humiliate you in a million different ways. Yes, Sweetie, the time is almost at hand…hahaha. You’ll have fun, (honest).

23 10 2008
Witchypoo

That’s funny, Lara…your son getting so indignant about that guy rudely checking you out. Boys are so protective of their mothers. About a year ago, we were in the store, and, as usual, I was rushing distractedly through the aisles, trying to throw as many items into my cart, as quickly as possible. I wasn’t paying the slightest attention to my surroundings, or the people around me; the next thing I know, Beau starts cracking up, saying that some guy had checked out my ass the whole length of the aisle, (Beau didn’t say “ass”, though). He seemed amazed and incredulous. I’m like, “Yeah, you’re just surprised because you only see me as your mother, durrrrrr.” About a week ago, he sheepishy blurted out to me that some of his football buddies “good-naturedly” refer to me as a MILF…it stands for “Mother-I’d-Like-to—-, (you get the picture, I’m sure). I’m not sure how to take that…it’s pretty rude, and it never ceases to amaze me how stupid and base teenage boys – and guys in general, of all ages – can be when we’re not around them…and they’re just talking amongst themselves. But, I guess the upside is I don’t yet quite resemble a dried-up hag, you know? Anyway, I hadn’t heard of that one before…my husband says it’s just further proof that I’m naive’ about how men, (generally speaking), relate to women. He’s kind of cynical, sometimes, so I don’t know…what do you ladies think?

Take care.

23 10 2008
Gabberjazz

Witchypoo:
Yes it is very sexual, about 95% of guards that go in married will not be married to the same person they were with when they started. Alot of the male guards are working on their third wives. Everyone cheats on everyone and if you are dating another guard you will never know if they cheat on you. I can say I have never cheated…. For example my partner is a very goodlooking man he’s 28 almost 29.. in very good shape as he is on the ERT.. He was the youngest one to make it now its his brother who is 27 they are the first brother team in the reigon…. Our ERT is supposed to have 80 members but we only have 30 because it is so hard to pass the physical aspects of it. But anyways ya. He was married to a school teacher and they had a baby together After she was born the marriage was falling apart. A new Parol Officer came in to the prison while my partner was escorting a prisoner to Quebec. She had it in her mind that she was going to get a man while she was here. Well she worked her way into his life and broke up his marriage. She almost lost him to someone else too so you are never safe when it comes to a relationship. My partner and I are so much alike that everyone thinks we should be married and that we will last but hmmm . We have talked about it and we do love eachother but hmmmm……
They also play sick jokes on one another….. Especially the mens ERT.

23 10 2008
Witchypoo

Gabberjazz…pardon my blunt speech, but the parole officer your partner dumped his poor wife for sounds like a scheming bitch; she probably deserves to lose him. The pertinent detail that these types of predatory, seemingly integrity-free, ignorant man-hunters seem to overlook is glaringly simple: if he left a nice girl for a husband-stealing hussey,…what makes said husband-stealing hussey believe that he will remain faithful to ANYONE, including her? A lack of loyalty is often a trait that’s repeated…just food for thought.

23 10 2008
Gabberjazz

Ya exactly I know, the funny thing I don’t know if you remember a Knettles who posted on Joe Hottie well that was her.. She doesn’t like me as I spend alot of time with my partner. I find that the women are worse than the men where we work. This one woman walked up to my partner and sai you know what I like committed men as there is no way they would commit to me are you up for some fun…He said No but you never know whats going to happen. I am know as the Relationship type to the men at my work what ever that is supposed to mean.

23 10 2008
lara21167

Gabber I think that means you won’t fool around with just anyone. Witchy men are strange creatures even as boys. Although I would have to feel a bit flattered at being a MILF. Probably bothers your poor son though. Then again you’re probably uncomfortable every time his friends come over!!

23 10 2008
Janelyse829

hey guys…
just want to let you kno i might not be around for a few days
but i will get caught up as soon as i can.

24 10 2008
Clo

Lara- I haven’t gotten it in the face, I got hit a couple of times with pee, mainly in the chest… And once when I was wiping him I got a hand ful of poop, but that’s it. Today we took him into my Mom’s work so she could show him off and we hear these loud farting/pooping noises. So mom gets down on the floor to change him (she won’t let me do anything when she’s around.) And opens his diaper, and it’s empty. So one of her co-workers (there were a bunch of them standing around visiting) goes “You better cover up that shooter before you get more” but of course, my Mom thinks she knows everything and doesn’t listen, and sure enough, he starts squirting this liquidy green poop. It was just a little bit at first, but then Mom went to go stop it with a wipe and he shot it all over her, it was so disgusting, but hilarious at the same time (especially since mom is the boss of most of the people who were around us.) She got it in her hand, and it ran down her arm, it was just… Ew. LoL.

Witchy- Hubby’s doing a little better, only since Mom took today off work we didn’t have Cayden last night, so he couldn’t really demonstrate.

Your guys kids stories are really funny, I actually can’t wait till Cayden starts saying funny things. The only way I think I’d be embarassed is if he says something rude/racist… Which I sometimes worry about cause Jeremy’s mom is kinda racist, and I REALLY don’t want Cayden to pick up on that. But your story about how you’re protective of your children, I’m kinda that way with my Mom. I mean, I’m sure I’ll be that way with Cayden too, only nothings really threatened him yet (although, I am semi-paranoid. I keep “seeing” things in my head that could happen. Like when we’re driving in the car I picture us getting into a wreck or something. Nothing major, just paranoid new mom stuff) ANyway, this evening my mom was dropping us off at home and on the way she dropped my sister off at a friends house… ANyway we went to go turn around in this ladies driveway, and she’s outside, and starts walking towards the car. I didn’t think anything of it until she started waving her arms and going “Get out of here” and I’m like wtf? My Mom wasn’t really in her drive way, just on the concrete part, you know, where the sidewalk would be if there wasn’t a driveway there? And so my Mom rolls down the window and says “M’am I wasn’t going to park here, I’m just turning around.” and the ladies like “I don’t care. I don’t care, get out of here, get out!” so my Mom was like “OH you’re being really friendly” and the lady said something else, I don’t remember, but I was just like “Oh whatever bitch” (I know, real mature of me, but she was being a bitch) and we drove away. I want to go back and egg that ladies house now (I know, mature again.)

Question for ladies that have children: Did any of you get headaches after your kids were born? I know I was having bad backaches and then I read that that’s often something women complain after giving birth, cause your ligaments are loose from pregnancy, and cause you’re now lugging around a baby in your arms and stuff, but I didn’t know if headaches were a post-pregnancy symptom too… I thought mine were from lack of sleep, but I’m not so sure anymore, cause I got a decent amount these past two days and still had my worst headache ever this afternoon. So yeah, I was just wondering.

Gabber- Glad you got the kitty back! I wish mine would run away, lol… She tries to get out but then never goes anywhere. We have four, cats are easy, l could own a million (OK, maybe not a million…) But Kahlua is just super annoying. Sometimes I want to punt her like a football…

I went and saw my surgeon today… We’re looking about a month to get the gall bladder out, ugh. But, I have to go get an MRI, cause I guess I have an enlarged duct (it’s about 3 times the size it should be.) So they think a gall stone is stuck in there, and if it is, they have to do this procedure where they stick a tube down my throat and suck it out, fun I know. The surgery they WANT to do is called… Lathroscopic (I spelled that way wrong.) but they dunno if they can cause they have to stick a camera through my belly button and since I had the classical c-section, they dunno if they’ll be able to do that due to scar tissue. If they do it this way, it’s an outpatient thing. If they have to open me up, I’ll be back in the hospital for a few days. They won’t know either, until they try to do it, SO, if you guys don’t hear from me for a few days after my surgery, chances are I had to get opened up. But then I can eat fried foods again, YaY!

Witchy- I also bet the boy who called you a MILF would be totally embarassed if he found out your son told you what he said!

Ohh, and sometime this weekend we’re staging an “intervention” for my brother… To see if we can make him go get some help. So wish us luck on that!

24 10 2008
Janelyse829

hey guys.

im having THE. WORST. DAY. EVER.
Ezi and i will not stop fighting and im about to tell his ass to go to hell. my mom and i got into it today and on top of THAT theres this really creepy guy that i have never even heard of harrasing me on myspace. he just sent me a messgage sayin that he knows where i live and that he is going to rape me.
i dont know how he knows me of how he got on my page. my page is private.

Ezi is being a complete asshole. and if he set himself straight and figure out if our relationship is as important to him as i thought it was; he’s getting dumped. im tired of all this bullshit. its just so uncalled for and im in no mood AT ALL to be dealing with people who just wanna waste my time the way he’s been doing lately.

24 10 2008
Janelyse829

Lara-to answer your question, Munchkin knows girls have boobs. he always looks inside my shirt for some reason. he’s weird like that. he’ll just sit on my lap and pull my shirt up. then he’ll smile and say “Haha, i saw your boobs” but not even the fact that i have boobs will get him to admit that im a girl. so im not a girl, im not aboy im just ‘his auntie’.

funny story. i was in my moms room with him and my mom came in to change her clothes. so she takes off her pants thinking he’s asleep or really concentrated on the tv and out of no where he goes “Ewww, look at grandmas booty!” so i [given the fact that i LOVE to make fun of my mom] ask him if he thinks that my booty looks better than grandma’s. and my baby looks at me and says “you’re hotter but i love grandma more” yup. thats what he said. my little man thinks im hot. =p

24 10 2008
Janelyse829

:p

24 10 2008
Witchypoo

Janey…what is the exact nature of his “assholeness”?, (I love that word!)…if you don’t mind my asking? I mean, men have a million ways to be assholes – wouldn’t you agree? Sometimes they’re overly possessive/jealous/insecure, etc…(an insecure male is a gigantic pain in the ASS, btw); sometimes they’re lazy and have a tendency to take you for granted, (wash my socks, make my food, blah-blah-blah); sometimes their egos get in the way of their good judgement, causing them to make stupid decisions, (too many ways for that to happen to detail here); sometimes they aren’t attentive to what you’re saying/feeling/thinking, and you are tempted to hit them over the head with a frying pan to make your point; sometimes, (and, I have to admit…the following aren’t problems I’ve ever had to deal with), they stay out late, take up too much time with stupid friends you may or may not like, oogle every female within their immediate vicinity, screw around, accuse you of screwing around, indulge in destructive behavior/bad habits excessively; sometimes they’re bossy and a little too domineering, (yes, I HAVE dealt with this one, repeatedly…but nobody’s perfect. However, there’s times when that frying pan looks VERY attractive to me); sometimes they’re moody/and or uncommunicative if something is bothering them; insert anything you come up with here. What was my point? Oh, yeah…so, why is your guy driving you crazy, Sweetie? Yup…love: not always as pleasant as the spin doctors would have us believe, Ladies, hugh? Then again…what’s the other option? (I’m not set up to live the life of a nun, or a hermit with 50 or 60 cats…so those options are out). Hmmm…any thoughts?

Anyhoo, I know what you mean, Cloey, about being protective of loved ones in general. I tend to have an automatic switch that just goes off whenever I don’t like how my family member/friend/etc. is being treated, ( it goes without saying that my instinctually protective tendencies are always “on” where my husband and kids are concerned). It’s not even a conscious thought or decision to step in during questionable situations…it just happens, you know? Yeah, of course you know. That lady who yelled at your mom sounds like a shrew; what’s wrong with people like that, anyway?

Well…I think it’s time for dreamland, Girls. Take care, and nightie-night.

24 10 2008
Janelyse829

So its 6:30 in the morning and i cant sleep.

Witchy-theres this chick that has been ‘in love’ with him for the past year and she keeps popping up when i dont need her to. i went to his job the other day because we were going out to lunch and when i get there guess who he’s talkin to? her. she called my phone and told me that i might as well give him the engagement ring back because he wouldnt be mines for much longer. how she got my number is beyond me. and the thing is that he KNOWS this girl likes him a lot, and thats she repeatedly harrases me about him, and he KNOWS that she wont stop until we break up. so all i asked him to do was to tell her to back off and to stop talking to her. the more he talks to her the more he’s going to lead her on. but no he wont do it. and i went out with my best friend last night [yes, we’re talking again] and the chick was there with a couple of her friends. and she was staring at me and following me. and im not one for public disputes but it was getting ridiculous. so i walked to her and i asked “is there a reason you’re staring? can i help you with something?” that stupid bitch said “yes, you can hand over your man and that ring” he wont do anything about it and yesturday he told me that he took her to dinner. first off, WTF???? what am i supposed to think? its like he wants to play games with her at my expense. i dont think so. when he gave me this ring i thought we were going to get married in four years not be about to break up two and a half months after he gave me it.

last week we went to the mall to get a b`day present for his sister. i went into my fave store that he for some reason refuses to go into [thinks that if he goes in ill spend all my money and his lol] so i go in i get his sister a present when i come out, he’s talking to that girl again. and me being the bitch that i am, stepped in front of them, kissed him and grabbed his hand and walked away. i could feel her staring at me but i didnt turn around and niether did Ezi. but now he’s taking her to dinner?

24 10 2008
Clo

Cayden let me sleep for four hours last night! Of course that was after he kept me up till 1 AM, cause he was uber gassy and so unhappy. Of course he’s making up for it now too, he got up at five to eat, went back down at 6 without finishing his bottle, and has been up and down since, usually only down though for about 15 minutes tops. He keeps falling asleep before he finishes a bottle and not waking him up. He’s semi gassy again, and there’s just nothing I can do for the guy. We tried burping him for seriously 2 hours, with nada, all the tricks my mom taught me, none of them worked. And we gave him his gas drops and eveything, I have no idea what’s wrong.

Anyway, Janey- I personally think you should put your foot down and tell him he needs to quit talking to this girl. I mean, I’m a very jealous person by nature, so I get really jealous when Jeremy talks to another girl, but I try to keep it in check and just be like, OK, it’s all in my head. But the fact that this girl is clearly disrespecting your relationship? HE needs to put her in check and show that HE respects your relationship.

However, some guys are just clueless and just want to be nice. That’s how my husband was with his ex, so I had to deal with it.

Witchy- It’s my opinion that some people are just unhappy and need to make other people unhappy. Usually I don’t respond to rudeness, it’s not worth it, but this lady was just SUCH a bitch that I thought someone should let her know that she was, in fact, a bitch. I actually wanted to call her a crusty cunt, but I didn’t think my Mom would let that slide.

I had a weird dream last night about a old friend from highschool… I don’t really talk to my friends from highschool anymore, I realized we were all two faced and backstabbing each other… And I’d rather have 2 real friends than 200 people like that. A lot of people consider me their friend and I really only consider an associate… I know that makes me sound like a snob but I dunno. I’m a typical aquarius and I don’t tend to trust a lot of people… Anyway, she was one of them… And she was calling me cause she was scared of something? It was just weird, cause I was back in my old room too. I just think it’s weird how the most random things pop up in your dreams sometimes.

24 10 2008
lara21167

Ok Janey I have to say I don’t like Ezi behavior at all!! First he wanted to marry you right after high school. You said you wanted to wait. Then he wants you to move in with him. You aren’t sure if you are ready for that. You know it almost sounds like he is tring to make you jealous. You think?? I mean he has no business even talking to this girl, you know it and I think he knows it. It really sounds like he is tring to make you jealous.

Now the Myspace stalker. Don’t they have a way to report someone like that? I would report this person right away Janey. And do you think this “guy” is actually that “girl”??

24 10 2008
Witchypoo

Good morning, Ladies…how’s it going? Janey, you didn’t acutally SAY that you wanted any advice on the Ezi situation, so I’m going to hang back on that one unless you express other sentiments, (sometimes I’ve found that my girlfriends, in similar situations, already had their minds set on a course of action…and they just wanted to vent – not a gameplan, per se). That being said…(I just can’t resist, Sweetie), I would take away ALL that other girl’s power over your emotions/relationship by putting the responsibility right where it belongs: with Ezi. Don’t give her the satisfaction of putting her at the center of anything, Janey, because realistically, that twit could be ANYONE. Your guy needs to respect your feelings and relationship enough to MAKE her back off and leave him alone. There will always be the possibility of predatory females lurking on the sidelines of ANY relationship you have; it’s second nature for some females, and males, to actively covet what they think they can’t have; the thrill of competition and all that crap, you know? Some dumbasses let their egos rule their actions and don’t care about what’s right and what’s wrong. Here’s a rough sketch of what I’d say to that foolish, (based on the way he’s behaving right now), boy you’re twisting your heart all over the place for: “Listen, Loverboy, as much as I love being with you, I have too many options for me to be wasting my time with this kind of petty crap. You have exactly ONCE chance to get your priorities straight and get that vulture out of your life for good, OR, I walk – and I won’t look back. You’ll get bored of her, ivevitably…since she’s already shown herself to be a lowclass, ignorant, nasty kind of girl by the way she’s aggressively harrassing me, and her tacky pursuit of someone who’s technically unavailable. You will regret this when it’s all over, because you’ll be stuck with her, when you could have had ME. Think it over, because I’m not waiting around long; there’s almost an unlimited supply of worthy guys out there who would treat me the way I DESERVE to be treated…and they’re looking really good right now. That’s IT: no discussion/debate, whatever; I’ve spoken, and you’re not going to engage me in a fight, or more games, or anything else. This discussion is over. Think it over – but don’t take too long.” Sweetie, you say this to him calmly, confidently, with as LITTLE emotion as you can manage; be courteous…almost businesslike in your approach to him and this whole situation. He’ll pick up on the fact that YOU are in control of your emotions/heart…and chances are he’ll RUN back to you, and drop whats-her-face. The thing is…you only give him the ONE chance; don’t give him the idea that he can jerk you around whenever it suits him. Ok…yeah, I said a lot for staying “uninvolved”, didn’t I? I just have no patience for games.

Take care.

24 10 2008
Witchypoo

Hmmm…I was typing so fast I misspelled words – you KNOW how much I love that.

24 10 2008
Witchypoo

Yup, Lara…I was thinking those exact same things, also: he’s trying to make her jealous, (manipulate you into doing what he wants…like moving in?), and, that “guy” is probably HER.

24 10 2008
lara21167

Janey, great advise witchey gave. Give that a try before you dump him.

25 10 2008
Janelyse829

Hey…
So Ezi came over today and when he got here there was a suit case with his clothes/personal items that he’s left here. i told him to sit down. then i gave him to options. he could either give himself a priority check and decide what exactly is it that he wanted in regards to our relashionship or he could walk out the door-with his suit case AND his ring. he said that i didnt mean any of it and that i was over reacting. i HAD to set him straight because i am beyond tired of his cocky bullshit. i told him to stop acting like my world revolved around him. i told him that i WAS NOT competing for him. that he isnt a prize that i win. i already have him. i told him that he should be more interested in seeing how he was going to keep me instead of making me compete for him. i will NOT sit here let him AND her make a fool out of me. i deserve better. he knows damn well that i dont need him to be happy. i do just fine on my own. so i told him. you can get your shit together and cut off All contact with this bitch-dirent and indirect-or you can walk out that door with your suitcase and your ring. and i told him that if he left he most definately was not coming back. EVER. he would forget that i exist and that we ever had something special. i told him i would forget everything. and i that i knew a couple of guys that were more than willing to help me forget him. i REFUSE to be the girl thats only there to look good on his arm. if thats the type that he wants he can keep that chick.

there is good news, i promise. he didnt leave. he called the girl and told her that he was wayyyyyy out of line and that he crossed and disrespected the bounderies of our relationshi. he also stated to her loud and clear that no matter what she [or anybody else for that matter] did, this would be the closest we would ever get to breaking up. so that she needed to get used t o the fact that i was going to be here for a while, possibly forever. he put her on speaker and i know this going to sound horrible but i actually enjoyed hearing her cry when he said this. she told him that he would regret this and tht she knew she was better than me and that he wasnt really in love with me or committed to our relationship. he was just “comfortable” with the idea of being in love with me and having a relationship. THAT HE WAS JUST SCARED OF WHAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE TO FALL IN LOVE AND BE LOVED BY A REAL WOMAN. I was sooo—–oooo pissed. i was like “are you fucking kidding me?” she was like that he was just scared to step out of his comfort zone and enter the real world. and me again being the total bitch that i am responded “really? because he seemed perfectly comfortable in between my legs last night. and it felt pretty real to me” and then she called me a skany bitch and hung up. HAHAHAHA. i got a kick out of that one.

so he’s still here. and we’re still engaged. [he’s afraid to leave now. thinks i’ll give him back the ring if he steps out for a sec lol]

25 10 2008
Janelyse829

i also needed some therapy so i went to the mall and bought 5 inch black pumps for dinner with the girls sunday night. well i cant say I bought. more like i picked and Ezi paid. lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: