Thinking Isn’t Always the Best Idea

19 07 2010

So, I know, it’s been what, a year? And it’s been a pretty crazy year. Ive battled a lot, gone through a lot of changes and am still battling a bit, but I have to believe I’ll make it through. This post could potentially be long. I am going to try and catch everyone up, although I don’t know my posting schedule, or if there will be one yet. I finally have internet again, and will have it in my new place again too as I’ll need it for school. I guess starting at the beginning will work best.

I stopped writing after a little medical issue. Well a few medical issues. First, I lost something that I didn’t know I wanted, but at the same time am better off without at this point in my life. Ironically it was the same day Michael Jackson died, and as a nurse came to talk to me about prepping, we were hushed by a large woman glued to the TV. It was funny. I thought I would be ok – that it was just a setback, but depression set in pretty heavily. I considered moving back to Miami Beach, I wanted to break up with my boyfriend, I just wanted my parents. Eventually they became aware of my downward spiral and came out to help me. “A” and I stayed together, working through what was going on with me and I started getting help.

Shortly after I was hospitalized for a severe pneumonia. My lungs were so filled up they thought I had a pulmonary embolism. I stayed in the hospital, hooked to heart monitors and would up having my IV repositioned 8 times because I was so dehydrated and my BP so low that my veins would essentially push the needle back out. I think that may be when I started to see things about “A” that I really didn’t love. He had to be begged to come visit me and would take care of a million and one other chores before he could show up and crawl into my hospital bed with me, falling asleep with me until the nurses kicked him out. That part I loved.

Over the next few months I struggled with my depression, with agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house), and we began to fight much more than usual. I got myself well enough to get a seasonal job at Williams-Sonoma, and it was a rarity for him to ask how my day went, regardless of me always wanting to be involved in his. He would hang out with his friends, or invite them over, even when I was so dog tired I could barely keep my eyes open. Our sex life had also dropped away at that point, my fears of going through what I did again outweighing any desire to be intimate with my guy of almost 2 years (At the time). But we got through the winter, and, by January, I decided I wanted to go back to school – I wanted to teach. “A” even helped encourage that. So I started taking classes at a local community college and started applying for grad school. I was accepted to Cal State LA, and for a few months there, everything was ok. Not great. We fought. A lot. And we lived separate lives. And he had stopped saying I love you by that point. But, we were still in it together. And I was happy with my new career path. I was assisting a seventh grade class, I was volunteering to teach kids how to read, I was going to school. I thought it was getting better.

“A” dropped the bomb that he didn’t want to look for places to live together anymore, that he wanted to move out on his own. Around December he fell into his own depression and sought help. Unfortunately, he only sought help for a month or two before declaring that he was much better and discontinued seeing his dr. During this time he became more and more selfish, taking and rarely giving – I’d have to beg and nag him for our utility money – and in the year and a half that we lived together he never once paid rent, despite having a job. He would always claim that it was because he had his own place to pay rent for, though everyone rightly pointed out (and I ignored) that if he were serious, he would have given up the place he was never at and just moved in with me. By now we had no real social life together beyond sleeping and living in the same apartment. He always had a reason to be gone over the weekends, and Id fall asleep during the week while he watched tv. We ate together, we’d watch what he wanted to watch, and we’d fight. Despite it all I still loved him, although had to question whether it was the beginning of the end. He couldnt love me the same way. Or didn’t want to. I don’t know. But he moved out. And like a good girlfriend, although a poor self preserver, I packed his belongings for him, oversaw the move, and then unpacked. We thought, it’ll be ok. We just need space, we aren’t breaking up, just taking some space and he needed to concentrate on getting his life together. I thought that he really wanted to grow up. Start his own business (dog training), earn some money, and we’d date, like normal people and move back in together when we were ready.

As I was packing his belongings I found a poster an ex had given him (actually there was a lot of stuff from his exes that he hung onto, which was a major red flag for me) and tried to be big about it and said, I don’t even want to see the pictures, just throw it out. He said he wouldn’t but that it would go into storage. That it was part of his past. I accepted it, not wanting to fight – we’d been doing ok for a bit – and I knew it was a few shots from her modeling days, but he swore it was all G rated. He even taped newspaper over it and showed me he was putting it in the basement or in storage. Well, as I was unpacking the paper ripped and all I saw was a nipple. I flipped. We fought. He called me insecure and said I needed to remember I was who he went home to every night. I pointed out that he was no longer coming home to me at night and that it was our relationship and the future or a poster of his past that made me uncomfortable. After the fight he tore it up, threw it out and that was that. Or so I thought. The fight never ended, I was still mad and hurt and no longer trusted him – he lied to me about nudity, no matter how much he swears he didn’t realize it was in that picture. I didn’t want to see the rest. Didn’t want to hurt any more and see him as a real liar. Eventually the fighting got so bad and so intense that a cop was called. We broke up that day. He moved out a few weeks later (had to wait for his new place to be cleaned out or something) and I was heartbroken, but tried my best to keep moving forward. That was in May.

A friend, who he introduced me to, was also going through a rough breakup and we thought – hey, lets move in together. Save money, the dogs will have a yard, we get along, we can help each other through this rough patch. So I did. I packed up all my belongings and with the help of her and “A’s” cousin (who I was still on speaking terms with) moved me into her house in July. July 1. She and I had discussed that she felt he had been abusive to me. That I deserved better. I parroted the sentiments for her. That while she was still on good terms with him, wed be ok living together because she didn’t want a social life with him outside of work. July 1, she, lets call her N, also started dating “As” cousin. I was ok with it at first. I figured it was early in the relationship (literally) and it wasn’t like he would be spending the night yet or be there all the time. WOW, could I have been more off. The night I moved in, with his help yes, he spent the night and didn’t leave for 4 days. Everyday I told my roommate that I was uncomfortable with this, that I didn’t want to live with a couple, that I wanted to get away from my ex, not have a constant reminder. That I needed a fresh start and it was too much too quick on their part for me to be comfortable living around. She said she understood. Everyday. And everyday he would still be there. Id go to bed crying, missing A more than ever, even though just a week before I had been standing strong. I also started working at a day camp and was in charge of hundreds of kids, teaching them how to cook without having a kitchen. Not easy. But at least N was seemingly taking heed to my request and she went out with her new guy rather than holing up here. But it was uncomfortable. I couldn’t talk to her without her texting him at the same time. And it all fell apart the next Friday.

N was going back and forth between going out with her new guy and staying in. Realistically she was trying to coax me into saying he could come by. Of course he could, but I asked that he not spend the night. He tended not to leave when he did. She assured me he wouldn’t. They spent all night trying to get me inebriated so I could go to bed and they could do their thing. Which was fine. I eventually went to bed on my own, feeling like the worlds biggest third wheel. They are the kind of couple who are ALWAYS on top of each other. (I should mention he is also 6 years her jr and lives with his parents because he is too comfortable there to grow up, not because he cant move out, but he doesn’t want to). So I would rather be in my tiny room than watch people escaping their own lives claw at each other.

When N and I were alone later that week I opened up a bit more. Talking about how it was tough for me. That I wanted to move on, but having the guy around made it hard. We talked about how she was able to escape her ex and move forward, but that it was in a sense preventing me from doing so, and that I just wanted some time and space to do that. She admitted she talked to him about finding his own place, to alleviate the amount of time they would be here, and said he would always change the subject. The weekend prior she blamed him for not leaving, claiming he would take a mile when given an inch. That day (we were getting our nails done like girlfriends would) she said it was her own fault, that she allowed it and would work on that not happening until we were more settled.

Two days later I was bombarded with texts from her guy. Saying he wanted to understand what my problem was, that my issues were inhibiting their budding relationship, and I explained that I just wanted space, the same space N had received after her own breakup, and that I wanted to be friends with him, but needed to get over A first. Then the attacks started. He wouldn’t leave me alone, trying to force me to get him to understand something he couldn’t, and trying to force me to let them do what they wanted to do. I told N to get him off my back and she retaliated that I was stressing her out at her job. Funny, I guess it was ok for him to do that to me. He begged me to call him. I said I didn’t want to talk to him yet. Then N started in on it, calling me a bitch, saying that it was her house and she could have anyone over any time she wanted. I said yea, but I was asking as a friend – pointed out that she was given her own space to move forward and I was only asking for the same. Pointed out that much of what she would admit to me (wanting to get everything of her exes out of the house, not wanting to be in touch with his family, etc) was all I was asking for, and for a short time. I think because I had gone out on a date, they thought I would fall in love and not care what they did. But it was my first date in 4 years and unlike them? I don’t rush into that. Nor was I ready. I’d been single for 2 months by this point and A had only moved out the week before I moved into the new place. AND I was still watching his dog! I think they got their hopes up and it created an escalated situation, but by the end of the week they were both attacking me regularly, or not speaking to me, I was hiding in my hole (my room is smaller than a rich persons closet) and crying everyday. It was affecting my work because I was so distracted, that I used all my energy to keep it from the kids rather than planning my lessons and approving my purchase orders. Friday, it came to a head. They both continued to say horrible nasty things, a lot of which seemed to come from A’s mouth in his own venting (fine, break ups do that). I told N I was moving out asap. Found a place on Saturday and that is where we are today, Sunday.

Basically I am lying in bed, having buyers remorse because the place is more expensive than I wanted to pay for, but knowing in my heart that I Need to get out of dodge before I lose myself. I’ll be closer to school, and while I wanted to find a one bedroom, not a studio, its cute, the building and area are safe, and I’ll only have to be there a year while I finish school. For all I know, I can get a good job right after I graduate and make enough to upgrade to one of their larger units. Or find a new more exciting place. Who knows.

I am lonely, and scared, and miss my friends and family something terrible. But this is my cross to bear for now. And im just hoping I make it out of this in one piece.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

130 responses

20 07 2010
Witchypoo33

Goldie! Hi there…so good to hear from you. Wow, time moves quickly, doesn’t it?

I’m kind of on-the-fly right now, (in and out of the house dropping off and picking up kids from various activities), so I can’t really say a whole lot right now. I just wanted to let you know that I read everything you wrote, and if you want to go into anything more later, I’d love to visit with you.

I’m sorry you’ve been having such struggles for the past year; it must be exhausting to move from one crisis to another…without any real break to recoup. I’ll always be “around” to talk if you want to, though. Really glad you’re back, and take care.

21 07 2010
lara21167

Hey there girly, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through and are going through. We are here for you anytime, and I guess you still have my email. Feel free to email me anytime you need to “talk”. I know it’s scary being where you are right now with your closest friends and your family across the country, but I would think that it is best for you to have your own place right now. And I must say your roomate was not very understanding and she is a fool to be dating a guy younger and still living at home (to clarify someone who can afford to have his own place) she’ll wind up taking care of him. Sorry about A. Take it from me, if he was abusive in any way shape or form you are so much better off. Anyway you are a strong woman and I know you’ll get through this and be a better person for having gone through what you have. And Btw 8 weeks to go until I graduate!! YAY!! Now if I can only find a better job….

21 07 2010
janey

Rowdy im really sorry for everything thats been goin on with you but im really glad ur back and im lookin fowrward to hearin more from you. Stay strong cause i know u will ge thru this

27 07 2010
janey

Hey guys.! Where is everyone.? Hope ur all okay

28 07 2010
lara21167

I’m here Janey lou and doing just peachy lol. Are you still in NYC?

29 07 2010
Witchypoo33

Hi there, Janey…I’m just in and out a lot. Enjoying your summer vacation?

Take care.

30 07 2010
janey

Im in new jersey noww. With my cousin ashley. We got into some trouble a couple days ago but we r okay now. I should b goinng home either sunday or monday

30 07 2010
Pam

Don’t know what made me come here today, because you hadn’t written in so long, so I was surprised to see you had!

You’ve been down a long road, and I know it’s been a really hard one for you. I understand about starting over on your own and going to school, believe me. It can feel overwhelming. Sometimes, it isn’t even about good days and bad days. It’s about good hours and bad hours. I keep telling myself that it is a process, an adjustment which has to be made, and to allow the time needed for life to fall back into place. People do come back successfully from much worse. I make plans with friends and family, and I make ways to meet people. And most of all, I remember that there is nothing lonelier than being in a bad relationship. I don’t love the idea of being alone. But I won’t allow myself to ever be in a relationship again where I’m not given what I give. I don’t know if any of that speaks to you or not. If it doesn’t, then just take this as me saying, chin up. You can do this. You WILL do this. Take care of you.

30 07 2010
lara21167

Janey, what kind of trouble did you get in?? Pam very good thoughts, and yes I can relate that a bad relationship can be a very lonely place.

30 07 2010
janey

Me and ashley got arrested because she was dumb and we went to the mall and she was shoplifting. I let her put somethin in my purse because i thought she has paid for it and just didnt want a bag cause it was such a small thing. And she well i guess we got caught and we got arrested. It was the scariest thing ve ever been thru. But we are chilllen now. We are gettin ready to go to the movies now and then we r going to hang out with these two guys we hooked up with last night.

What is everyone else up to.?

31 07 2010
janey

My vacation has cme to an end :/ goin home tomorrow morning. But i am kinda happy. I miss my friends

2 08 2010
lara21167

Ok Janey this shoplifting thing, are you charged with anything? I know you’re a minor so it will be off your record when you turn 18, but I’m concerned about it showing when you apply for college. (lordy I feel like an overprotective mother lol)

2 08 2010
janey

no i wont be charged with anything and i wont have to go to court because it happened in jersey and i dont live there. im back home now tho. getting ready to see baby alex :]

3 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Well, the arresting officers must have believed you when you told them that you thought your friend had paid for her item…which is good. I’m glad this isn’t going to turn into something more problematic for you, Janey. Crime really doesn’t pay, does it? Does it seem like your friend learned anything from this experience? Hope so.

It must be nice to be home, seeing all your family, friends, and especially Baby-Alex. Have fun.

Take care.

4 08 2010
janey

Yes it is. I missed my kids so much. Specially derek and alex. Ales is so absolutely gorgeous.! And he got so big.! Hes sittin up and rolling over by himself. And derek turned 5 two days ago. My little babys are growin up :/

6 08 2010
Witchypoo33

So…Alex is what? 5?, 6? months by now? Adorable ages, where the lil’ darlins’ are getting so expressive, smiling and giggling all the time. That’s also when they’re really putting on some weight with the “baby-fat”, and they’re just so bouncy and sweet. Love it. Enjoy, Sweetie.

Take care.

6 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Didn’t mean to leave little Derek out…I know what a special connection you two have. He must be really happy to have you home again.

6 08 2010
janey

alex will b six months old this month. and he is incredibly cute and hubby and bouncy lol laughs all the time now. and his personality is starting to show. when he gets mad or frustrated or tired he throws his head back and screams. lol hes sitting up by himself and rollin over and starting to hold the bottle. hes just so amazing. and yeah when i left derek didnt want to talk to me because i didnt take him with me lol but when he saw me he jumped on me and it was all better now. its like almost 4 am here now and hes sleeping right next to me. im supposed to babysit alex tomorrow. hopefully derek wont get jealous.

wht have you guys been up to.? how are your boys.? is baby spawn starting school this year.?

8 08 2010
janey

baby alex is spending the night with his two older sisters<3
i love them soo muchh.!

9 08 2010
lara21167

Well I guess Derrick will be starting school this year?? That should be exciting for him. My baby boy turned 19 on Saturday.

9 08 2010
janey

yea he was in pre k last year now hes goin to be in kindergarden. hes growing up sooo fast but today. woof. i had to beat that lil behind. he was being such a BRAT. he was just bein rude and disrespectful and ive tried talkin to him and telling him why its wrong and he still does it and then lately hes taken to crying for EVERYTHING. and i just had it today and i spanked him lightly and put him in time out

10 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Ohhh…poor Derrick; was he shocked when his favorite person (you) gave him a swat and time-out? My baby sometimes acts like I just really trampled all over his lil’ feelings when I have to get strict with him. Usually, I can reason with him and get him to modify his behavior, especially when it’s just the two of us hanging out…then he’s really easy and cooperative – very helpful and eager to please. But, sometimes when his 2 older brothers are around,(especially if they’re not paying enough attention to him), little-man can be a bit of a handful. You should see him give his big-brothers the run-around. He’s got skills…snicker-snicker.

Did the time-out work?

Happy belated birthday to your guy, Lara. Did you get to see him? Do anything special to celebrate?

Take care.

10 08 2010
janey

witchy. i was madd as hell. like. i understand that im not his mother but im the only one acting like it at the time. and if i tell you something 1. i shouldnt have to repeat myself 2. you shouldnt answer me back. at ALL. you should take ur lil ass and do wht i said. but he couldnt keep his mouth shut today. he had an answer for EVERYTHIN. and when he wasnt answerin me back he was cryin, i told him to sit and he stared cryin like someone was tryina kill him. and i hate my step dad and i dont want him to ever yell at derek. i dont like it when other ppl yell at him cause if im telling him to do somethin theres no need for other people to have to tell him again. but he just wasnt listening. then in the pool im tryin to play w him and he was like “Stop. i hate you” and swam away from me. and that hurt my feelings. so i tapped him in the mouth [not hard] and i said “dont you EVER in your life talk to me like that ever again” and told him to get out of my pool if he hated me so much. so to answer your question. time out made him act out even more. idk whts wrong w him. but his attitude needs to change. ASAP.

10 08 2010
Witchypoo33

I know, Janey, I know. Taking care of, and being responsible for ,others is beyond frustrating at times, especially when the people we’re “doing for” are being difficult lil’ monsters. Each age range has it’s own set of challenges. Surprisingly, older kids can be just as obstinite and irrational as smaller ones when the mood strikes…they just have a larger vocabulary to utilize. Though, i have to admit…normally, my older two realize that trying to continually challenge my authority, and being just overall disrespectful and difficult, will only backfire and produce really undesirable results. So, they normally know not to push me too far, which is fortunate for all of our peace-of-minds.

Little guy will often pick up on any contention in attitude between the 2 older ones, and he’ll kind of “parrot” the type of behavior he’s exposed to. So, I’m always reminding and insisting with spawns #1 and #2 that THEY set the example for him…they’re his roll models, (along with hubby and I, of course).

Yeah…being a good parent/caretaker is tough sometimes.

Take care.

10 08 2010
Witchypoo33

“roll” models should read “rolE” models…

10 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Janey…here’s a perfect example of what I mean by “frustrating” with raising children: the guilt that goes along with having to enforce your “rules” by following up with the consequences you’ve outlined to the kiddos ahead of time. I tell my guys what will happen if they, say, don’t listen to me, or argue with me, fight/bicker too much with each other, don’t complete their daily responsibilites, (whether that’s homework, sports-related priorities like work-outs/exercises, or household chores…whatever), etc. Then, the hardest part for me is to stick to that formerly agreed-upon consequence even AFTER my guy, (whichever of the 3 is currently in the “doghouse”), has shown “sorriness” – or remorse – and changed his course of action. In other words, once my sons DO straighten up and change their behavior, I still have to follow-through on what I’d said I’d do if the original “rule” wasn’t followed in the first place. Obviously, there’s room for interpretation, and flexibility, but I also can’t project the image of a “push-over”, or the idea that no matter what you do wrong, there’s always ways around the “system”. If I’m not consistent with rewards/”punishments”, then over time, that would give my guys the idea that their own personal behavior/sense of accountability doesn’t really matter for much…that they may as well just go ahead and do whatever, whenever, since it doesn’t make much difference regarding outcome. Sheez…that’s a mouthful.

Anyhoo, so, I wind up feeling like shit – more times than not – when I have to enforce an expected consequence. Like, yesterday, Little-Man was playing outside in front with #2 spawn, and he was taking advantage of his older brother’s easy-going nature by not listening, running away from him, just totally running all over my middle-guy. Baby KNOWS that his older brothers are in charge when they’re watching him, and that he’s supposed to listen to them…just like with me and the hubby. But he wasn’t, plus he was also giving our neighbor (a good friend/schoolmate of my older boys’) a hard time by being overly rough, throwing his bike down, etc. Baby-Spawn KNOWS our neighbor won’t react badly…he’s a good sport, plus he cuts Little-Guy a lot of slack for only being 5. So, Baby can sometimes take advantage of that by being too much of a handful for #2 spawn and his buddy. It’s nothing terrible…just annoying. Well, eventually, my middle guy finally got pissed and brought Baby in, (Little-Man was really put-out at having been dragged back in the house), telling me he was just being impossible. So, I had to tell Little-Guy that he couldn’t get the Fushigi Ball I’d promised I’d send away for yesterday that he’s been talking non-stop about for the last week or so. He sees it on tv all the time, and the older spawn have told me they think it would be a good toy for him…so, I told him I’d call in and order it. But, I had to tell him, “Not today”, when he acted so piss-poor yesterday. I felt bad, and told him MAYBE today instead, IF he behaves like he’s supposed to. I also had to say, “No”, to any gum/treat in the convenience store when we were on our way to pick up oldest spawn from football workouts. I usually get him a little something…and it makes him very happy. But, not yesterday.

The point of that whole, drawn-out story is that I felt like complete SHIT for having to tell him, “NO”, to both of the things he’d thought he was getting…because his behavior hadn’t earned him any “rewards”. I felt really lousy seeing his disappointed expression, (that sad little face)…especially because by that time, Baby had realized he’d been naughty, and that he didn’t deserve any extras. So, instead of badgering me, begging, whining, etc…he was just quietly disappointed, but he didn’t argue about it, trying to change my mind…which made me feel even worse.

But, what am I supposed to do? If I give in too much, they’ll think they can get away with anything. So, as a responsible parent, my job is to stay consistent and enforce the “rules”.

Doesn’t mean I enjoy it, though. I wind up feeling guilty more often than not. Ahhhh…motherhood. You’ll see someday, Sweetie.

Take care.

10 08 2010
janey

yeah i get what yur sayin. lol

i wonder how lara’s been.?

10 08 2010
lara21167

I’m here Janey Lou, Witchy gives good advise there Janey, be consistant, even though it hurts you more than the little one. And Witchy yea the quiet, know they did wrong, is so much worse than a screaming “its not fair”!! fit.

10 08 2010
lara21167

Oh Janey they all have moods, I wouldn’t worry about Munkin unless this behavior becomes more dominant.

11 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Janey, if it seemed by my long “story” that I was lecturing you…that wasn’t my intent at all, or my purpose for relating it. I was just illustrating to you a common situation, (for me, anyway), that comes up all the time while raising children – of ALL ages. There’s the inevitable guilt and conflicting feelings of, “Am I being too hard on Jr.? Not hard enough? What should I be doing differently?”

Anyhoo, it was convenient and timely for me to share it, since it had just happened the day before. Plus, sometimes it makes ME feel better to share my feelings of motherly guilt and conflict. Doubts come with the territory, sometimes.

And Lara, yeah: the better the spawn are about their “consequences”, the harder it is for me to fully enforce them. Though, I’m sure not going to give THAT little tidbit away to my industrious children, (especially the older ones). Don’t need to give them anything to manage my emotions and complicate the issues, now do I? Hahaha. *Sigh*

Take care.

11 08 2010
janey

lol yea i hate it when im scolding him and hes just like “okay. im sorry” and he sits down. i just wannna hug him and tell him he can go play buuuuuut i can or he’ll just do it again lol

12 08 2010
janey

spending th enight at skidmore college thursday night. gonna see what its about there and see if i like it even tho i really dont wanna stay close to hom eat all. and did i tell you guys i have an interview with Hollins university in virginia on october 15th.? im soooo excited.!

12 08 2010
lara21167

Janey it’s great you are checking out colleges now. It gives you time to really decide where you want to go and what you need to do to get in. Good luck.

13 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Pretty exciting, Janey…I’m happy to see you’re planning for your future. Let us know how you like Skidmore.

Take care.

13 08 2010
janey

just got back from skidmore. i LOVE LOVE LOVE the campus.! and the people are so nice and its just SOOOOO relaxing there.! i love it im def going to apply

14 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Cool…sounds good, Janey. It’s great that you’re looking into several options, and planning ahead. The more information and choices you have, the better.
Sounds like a really positive experience.

Take care.

16 08 2010
janey

soooooooo freaking bored right now.!
i wanna drink but my sister cant cause she has
to be somewhere in the morning and i dont wanna
be drunk by myself :/

16 08 2010
janey

soooo i have to go to court for the gettin arrested thing in new jersey. im really upset right now

17 08 2010
lara21167

Now why are they now making you go to court? Do you have to be a witness?

17 08 2010
janey

because my cousin put something in my purse so when she got it looked like i was also shoplifting and the store pressed charges against both of us :/

18 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Janey, can’t your cousin just tell the court that you didn’t have prior knowledge of her use of your purse for stolen merchandise? That you thought she’d paid for it? You’d think that would be enough to get you out of trouble, but I’m not really sure how these things work.

18 08 2010
janey

i dont think so. i wish it was that easy.
but im gonna plead not guitly and im waiting for her to call
because the day i got the court papers i called to see if she had gotten any and she said she hadnt

18 08 2010
lara21167

It’s junvenille court right? You are older than my son when he got caught shoplifting, he was 12 and the junvenille place wrote it off as a one time misstake, which it was. But you are older just tell them you were not aware and your cousin was goofing off. Keep us informed.

18 08 2010
janey

i will. im just upset. like this couldnt happen at a worse time. im looking at colleges and jobs and they looks at peoples records for both now its ridiculous. sigh. ive been straightening my hair for hours now lol and im STILL not done AND i burned my hand :/ this day just couldnt get worse

18 08 2010
lara21167

Yea you don’t need this when applying for college. Jobs though, I thought they couldn’t see a junenille record. Idk, either way no you don’t need this right now. And i hope your day gets better, mine is sucking too, so it can only get better right??

18 08 2010
janey

yup.! lol
i hope sooo. i just really need a cigg and a drink :/

18 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Oh, Janey. DO you need a “cigg and a drink”? I really hope you’re just venting about that last part. I’m not gonna lie…I’d be shitting my pants right now if that sentence came out of one of my boys’ mouths. Don’t compound your crap-filled day by filling it with even more crap.

*Sigh*…ok, end of lecture. You’re dealing with mommies here, Sweetie – what kind of reaction can you expect?

It’ll all get better.
Take care.

19 08 2010
janey

witchyyyy i love you lol
and sadly i wasnt kidding about the cigg but i dont drink like THT so i didnt have a drink. my day as pretty much up and down ALL day :/

19 08 2010
janey

IM HAVING THE BEST DAY EVER.! MY BEST FRIEND THAT IVE KNOWN SINCE I WAS SIX IS PREGNANT.! I CALL HER MY SISTER AND IM JUST SOOO EXCITEDD.!

20 08 2010
lara21167

Congrats on your friend Janey, no i’m not even going to ask if she’s your age. Just happy to see you happy.

20 08 2010
janey

lol lara.! I am ridiculously happy right now. Thats gonna b my other godbaby/ nephew or niece and i just i cant wait. Im gonna b there for every appt, everythin lol and shes not really my age. Shes two years older than me. Im gonna b 17 in 9 days and she turned 19 in june

20 08 2010
lara21167

Still young but that makes me feel better 🙂 You are going to have tons of godbabies!!

20 08 2010
janey

lara – lol yes i am

okay now time to rant because god knows happiness is only a temporary feeling and it only takes a really small thing to make it go away. i hate my life and everyone in it except the kids. lol but seriously. i can never thik about myself first or my feelings getting hurt not even once.? because thats what im trying to do. im trying to avoid being hurt as much as i can and just have a freaking normal life for senior year. is that too much to ask.? cause everyone apparently thinks that im a “selfish bitch” because of that. especially my mom. do you guys know that ive been locked in the psych ward TWICE for trying to kill myself.? ALL I WANT IS TIME TO MY SELF AND TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY MY LIFE. thats all im asking for. but my mom thinks im ” a bitch and a problem for her and her husband” my uncle thinks all i “ever give a fuck about is yourself” i fucking HATE the shit out of my step dad. my sister just thinks i should shut up and just take it. no i cant take it anymore. im on the freaking EDGE you guys. no one has any idea how i feeel at all and they wonder why i am the way i am and just seem “to have given up on everything” and my mom has the fucking nerve to wonder why i wanna kill myself, are you serious.? like if im such a bitch and im the problem in your relationship, then just let me kill myself. never mind the fact that your husband is verbally and mentally abusive to the BOTH of us. but im selfish.? i seriously cant take this shit anymore.

22 08 2010
janey

im DONE. i need a break. im goin to PA for a week tomorrow. i NEED to get a way from my house.

24 08 2010
lara21167

Well Janey, really don’t know what to say, glad you did get to vent. All that inside is not good, and glad your are able to get away. Janey you have a good head on your shoulders, use it. And before you seriouly consider doing something stupid, think about how you’ve felt when friends have done that. You have your whole life ahead of you and potential to do whatever you want. When do you go back to school?

25 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Yeah, like Lara mentioned, it’s really hard to know exactly what to tell you, Janey. I mean, we don’t really know the particulars of your life – your exact circumstances. So, it’s almost impossible to offer any constructive advice other than the standard, “things will get better…just hold on tight”, variety. I think the most useful thing I can say is to not do anything that will only makes things worse…whether that’s having any unnecessary confrontations, acting out in ways that will get you in trouble with either your Mom, or your school, or law enforcement, hurting yourself with substances or other bad habits, etc. Just try to keep a cool head…you won’t regret it.

We’re on our way out…I’ll talk to you some more later, Sweetie, and take care.

29 08 2010
janey

hey guys im back from PA.!
and Happy 17th to meeee.! ❤ lol
sorry im excited ❤

30 08 2010
lara21167

Well Janey dear, you sound in better spirtits!! Happy Birthday to you!!

30 08 2010
Witchypoo33

Happy (belated) Birthday to you, Janey! So happy you seem much more chipper now.

Take care.

30 08 2010
janey

school starts next week. im soooo excited<3 im ready for senior year. im ready graduate and b on my own but i mean of course by that i mean go to college.! and i cut my hairr.! lol i wanted it a lot shorter bbuttt i like the way it came out lol

31 08 2010
lara21167

Don’t rush Senior year, it’s the best year through all your school years, so enjoy it. Put some pics on Facebook so I can see your hair.

31 08 2010
janey

lol i want to enjoy it but i also just want to be done lol and i did put pics on fb
they are in my summer 2010 album. im wearing a white tube top . my profile pic is also of my new hair cut ❤

1 09 2010
janey

heyyyyyy guys.!
im on my way out to dinner but i just wanted to stop by
and check in lol hows everyone doingg.? i havent heard from you guys in like forever ❤ i miss talkin to you guys ❤

2 09 2010
lara21167

Well miss Janey, how was dinner. Glad you and your mom where able to go just the 2 of you. I think that’s important no matter how many kids you have to try to spend some time alone with each one. Kristy has been sick all week. She did go to school yesterday, but I let her stay home today. She has a stiff neck and headache, the kind of stiff neck that comes from swollen glands and you can’t move your head, so I know she’s feeling miserable.

More car trouble for me, car needs a distributor. I feel all cosmopolitian taking a cab to and from work lol. Not really cab drivers drive like they are nuts!!

2 09 2010
janey

dinner was delicious.! i had a really good time w my mom.

and im sorry about kristy.! i hope she feels better soon.! it sucks being sick i hate it.

and sorry about your car. thats gotta b a bummer :/

school starts next week for me. i cant wait.! senior year here i come.!
i got my senior portrait done on monday and my mom picked out the package she wants sooo now we have to bring the proofs back and pay for the package. and submit the pic to yearbook staff at school.

i wonder if witchys boys started school yet?
and speaking of witchy, we miss youuuu<3

2 09 2010
lara21167

I don’t know when Witchy’s boys start school, the little one will be in Kindergarden?? I think I have that right. Glad you had a good time with your mom, sounds like you needed that. Also glad you are looking forward to school. Senior year is fun.

2 09 2010
janey

i have my munchkin backkk.! im chillen w him and his little sister who thinks im her untie too ❤ lol im gonna get in the pool w them now for a lil bit

3 09 2010
lara21167

That’s good Janey, I think I face book snubbed you a little bit ago, I was clicking out and an im thingy popped up. Didn’t get a chance to go back and check sorry!! 🙂

3 09 2010
janey

lol its okay.! just got back from doc appt. might get a new phone in a few weeks if i get a job and all goes well. sigh.

3 09 2010
janey

im baking cupcakess w lil mannn<3 sigh. im gonna miss these days when i go away for school :/

4 09 2010
Witchypoo33

There’s always the possibility that you’ll go to a school close enough to be able to see your little guy as often as you like, Sweetie.

Enjoy the cupcakes.

Sorry I’ve been MIA lately…so crazy-busy. In and out all day long, and into the evening.

I’ll catch up with you ladies soon.

Take care.

4 09 2010
janey

witchy.!!!! ❤ YAY.!!!!!
lol

there is, but im making that possibility as slight as possible.

4 09 2010
janey

OH. and the cupcakes were AWESOME<3

7 09 2010
lara21167

Janey!! You didn’t save us a cupcake 😦 Glad you enjoyed your time with your little man. Hey I just turned in my last assignments for my last 2 classes !! YAY!!

7 09 2010
janey

thats awesome.! school starts tomorrow and me and my friends just tye dyed shirts to wear tomorrow w the school colors and my bff Aedan just got a mohawk w 2011 shaved in to the side of his head. we’ve been the only graduating class thats been really excited to graduate in the last 5 years. school spirit.?! i think so. buuuuuut im mad as hell my necklace just broke. :/
i never NOT wear my cross so that needs to be taken to get fixed asap.

9 09 2010
janey

school was AMAZING yesterday.! just woke up. about to get in the shower and get ready for school today. lol

9 09 2010
Witchypoo33

So happy you’re loving school so far, Janey! Make the most of your senior year, Sweetie.

Take care.

10 09 2010
janey

it wont let me post anythingg.!

10 09 2010
janey

ok. it finally let me.
witchy.! imu.! lol yess. i was telling Lara i got every class i signed up for, which has never happened before.
im taking:
Music Theory
Criminal Justice
Women’s Lit (UHS)
Forensic Sciences
Economics
Women’s Choir (ATL)
Child Development (UHS)
Hip Hop
Aquatics
3 study halls

UHS stands for university and high school credit
and ATL is for alternative credit.

when i graduate i have to call the community college and ask for a transcript so i can transfer those three credits from there to whatevr college i get accepted to :]

11 09 2010
janey

sooo i just got about 6 inches cut off my hairr.!
its sooo shortt

13 09 2010
Witchypoo33

Happy Monday, Girls.

Cool, Janey. What made you decide to cut your hair? Do you love it? Your classes sound amazing! It would be hard to get bored with that curriculum.

Sweetlara: CONGRATS on your course completion! That must feel so great, huh? Will you have your degree now?

Take care, Ladies.

13 09 2010
Witchypoo33

Forgot: I wasn’t going to go into it right now, (cause it takes too long, and I should be doing other things)…but my guys had a fantastic weekend! (except Baby-Spawn…who I’ll talk about in a minute).

On Friday night, Spawn #1 got his first official touchdown playing varsity football under the Friday-Night-Lights! He also came really close to a second one, and his whole game was beyond cool, since he carried the ball a lot, getting tons of yardage in a tough game against a tough, top-tier team, plus he made some key, game-turning tackles as linebacker, (he plays both offense and defense), where he even recovered the ball after making their running back fumble it. The crowd couldn’t see anything but a huge pile of football players scrapping around on the ground…and, finally, my guy jumps up with it in his hand. It was so cool. He’s only a junior, so he’s doing great playing with older guys who have more experience on varsity from the previous year. The stadium was standing-room-only, and the crowd was so wired to win a tough game that we were predicted to get our asses handed to us. Football is big around here; people really come out to support the high school team, even when they don’t have sons playing on it. My guy’s hard work and dedication is paying off for him, which makes me so happy.

Middle-spawn, (who turned 14 over the summer), had the best pitching outing he’s had in a couple of years at a weekend tournament up near the Canadian border. He’s grown so fast over the last couple of years, (just under 6 feet and still growing)…the huge growth surge was messing somewhat with his aim at throwing; he’s had to readjust everything a zillion times – which is incredibly hard since pitching is such a technical skill…one tiny little “off” movement, and everything goes to shit. Seriously…it can be brutal. So, my guy has all these specialized instructors and coaches, (some who’ve played in the majors, most who’ve played college-ball, and in the minors, etc….and are also coaching college and minor-leagues right now), “tweaking” his arm placements all the time. The result has been my poor fella not knowing which end is up, with results being inconsistent, and him having a confidence-check. He’s really trying to get back where he needs to be…with a more simplified approach. So, this Saturday, hubby left with him before 5:00 am to get to the first game of the tournament on time (long drive); I stayed home because #1 guy had football committments. As it turned out though, Baby woke me up early on Saturday am with a severe asthma attack, and his older brother and I had to run him into the doctor right away. I couldn’t take him to kindergarten today, (I’ll tell you all about this place we have Baby in when I have more time…we love it for him), since he’s on lots of medication, he’s still hacking some, and he needs nebulizer treatments every 2 – 3 hours, (mask, machine, etc.). Anyhoo, there was a possibility that I’d meet hubby and Middle-Spawn up there after taking care of some things in the am…but Baby getting sick put a stop to that. He’s feeling better, though…at least he can move air. That whole deal was pretty scary…no warning at all, and it was severe.

Where was I? Oh yeah…so, Middle-Guy nailed it with the pitching – going a full 3 innings, (a good amount at this age)…throwing hard, fast, and accurately. Going back out to do so well in front of everyone is so helpful to his confidence. I’m telling you, that pitching mound in a tense game can be such a lonely, nerve-jangling place for anyone…let alone a kid. Our guy has all these adults around him at the training facility, as well as his coaches…and they all stress to him how much potential he has to go as far as he wants in pitching. He’s got the size, strength, speed, etc. that top-tier baseball is demanding from pitchers these days…plus he’s a “lefty”, which is also highly valuable. Those traits aren’t as common as you’d think…otherwise, there’d be more major-league pitchers. All that is great, but if he doesn’t believe it himself, then it doesn’t mean anything. He’s really starting to come around again…feeling more like his “old-self”, before some of the awkwardness and self-questioning of adolescence set in. Hopefully, that slump of “teenage-blues” has passed for the most part. We worry when the boys seem “down”, or unsure. My mind starts to race with questions of “what-if”; you know how it is, don’t you Lara? Moms always worry.

What a book, and I could have written more, too. Btw…I’ve been meaning to mention that hubby has made me a blog-site – set it all up and all that. I have no idea what I’m going to do with it yet, other than “visiting” like we do here. But, I’ll look it up and get you the url shortly.

Take care, and we’ll talk soon.

14 09 2010
Witchypoo33

That url I mentioned is: silverngold.blogsite.org. There’s some things up there about 2 older spawn; hubby wrote most of it, then I wrote some sidenotes.

Take care.

14 09 2010
lara21167

Witchy, I’m so happy about #1 & #2 spawn. It’s great they are doing so well in their games. That does build confidence. I hope #3 is doing better. Glad neither of my kids have asthma, I can just imagine how scary that is. And yes I get my degree now yay!! Just need to find a better job, there is some jobs but so many out of work they get too many resumes. Its crazy.

14 09 2010
lara21167

I’ll check your blog here shortly

14 09 2010
lara21167

Janey what is the url for your blog again?

14 09 2010
janey

so tired. so much homework. :/
be back later

14 09 2010
Witchypoo33

I had Janey’s url, but now I can’t find it.

15 09 2010
janey

for my blog.?
its. liveoutloud829.wordpress.com
and i couldnt finish my womens lit hw.
33 pages in one night.? too stressful.
ill do the rest tomorrow cause its due thurs.

witchy so happy to hear about your boys doing well in their sports.
and im so sorry about the baby and his asthma attck. i really hope he gets better and ill b praying for him. i know thats really scary.

lara, im sooooo happy for you.! you did what you set out to do and you didnt let anything stop you.! thats amazing.

i just wanna say you guys are so inspirational to me because you guys are just such great women and moms and just are amazing in everything you do and along with some aspects of my mom i hope to grow up to be like you guys ❤

15 09 2010
lara21167

Janey lou, you’re gonna make me cry. Thanks sweetie.

15 09 2010
Witchypoo33

There’s that doll-baby side of your personality that comes out sometimes, Janey. You really are a very sweet, warm-hearted person, Darlin’. Thankyou for the kind words; Lara and I just want for you to be happy, and to stay on the path of realizing your full potential. You’re very talented, and I know that some of your emotions run very deeply…and that Life seems difficult and confusing at times. Please try to just stay on the positive side of Life – working through the tougher aspects. You can do so much, Janey, and mature into a really interesting, vital young woman.

Take care, Sweetie.

15 09 2010
janey

awww ❤ you guys are awesome :]

im about to take a nap and then do homework.
i will check in laterr

16 09 2010
janey

my nap was so awesome. and then. i had to wake up and do my homework.
lol i was so tired and this morning, i didnt want to wake up either. i love my bed. i hate my my alarm clock. Thank God tomorrow is friday.!!!
lol
so how have you guys been.?

18 09 2010
janey

NOTE TO SELF:

Helen,

Experience is life’s greatest lesson

Thoughts are the mind’s greatest creation

Dreams are ones greatest inspiration

Determination leads to perseverance

It all starts with the fact that education is limitless

And knowledge is priceless

Creativity is using your priceless knowledge and limitless education,

Exercising determination,

Being inspired to dream,

Going through this process called life,

And in the end, persevering

Knowing dreams are our subconscious desires,

Inspiration, comes from the heart,

Determination, is simply having the strength to go on,

Perseverance, is turning the thoughts into actions,

And that in itself is the hardest yet most rewarding experience

Life will take you through

However, there are many different types of education

Experiences vary every day, depending on where life takes you

Life will teach you lessons a textbook never can

Your mind will take you places your travels will never lead to

Your dreams will inspire you to exceed expectations, especially your own

Yet nothing will happen if you are unwilling to go through life’s

Road very much less traveled

The one that will lead to the ultimate level of perseverance

Life is a series of trials and errors

Sometimes you will fail, you will fall

Exercising true determination is finding the strength to get up and try again

Gaining enough knowledge along the way to realize

That if the series of actions leading to the fall do not change,

Your outcome will be the same

Education is key

An open mind is unstoppable

Embrace life’s lessons and persevere

so i wrote this poem as part of my college admission essay because the topic was to write about how i enjoy being creative and my teacher gave me the brilliant idea of not only telling them, but showing them. what do you guys think.?

19 09 2010
Witchypoo33

Excellent, Janey. I love it! I think the college admissions boards will also love it.

Take care.

20 09 2010
lara21167

I love it too, Janey. very good.

21 09 2010
janey

im getting baby turtles.! im naming them after the cartoon phineaus and Ferb.! i cant waitt :]

22 09 2010
Witchypoo33

Hahaha…my Middle-Spawn and Baby-Spawn love that cartoon. Have fun with your new babies, Janey.

Take care.

22 09 2010
janey

lol i LOVE that show. more than Derek. and i love spongebob more than anyone in the world.! haha. they are so little and cute and i wanna take them to school haha. my best friend said no :/

25 09 2010
janey

no turtles :/
but spirit week is this week.! WOOTT.! so happy.
monday – whacky tacky day
tuesday- super hero day
wednesday- twin day
thursday- retro day
friday- spirit day
LETS GO PATRIOTS.!
lol dont mind me. but pics will def be up at the end of the week.
and homecoming dance is saturday :]

26 09 2010
janey

SO IM TRYING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IM WICKED EXCITED.! I JUST GOT THE OKAY FROM MY YOUTH LEADER IN CHURCH AND I CAN NOW SING AND DO WORSHIP DANCES WITH THEM.! OMG.!!! you guys have no idea how long ive been waiting for this to happen. WOOOT.!

26 09 2010
janey

typing*

28 09 2010
lara21167

Congrats Janey, I need to check your pics on facebook. Kristy’s spirit week is this week. Mismatch day today, not sure about the rest of the week.

28 09 2010
janey

no pics anymore. my cell phone and my camera were stolen yesterday. im so mad. dont know when im getting a new cam but my new phone should be here by friday

29 09 2010
janey

ma phones here.!!!!

2 10 2010
janey

this has been the worst week of my LIFE. my freakin phone was stolen again. my brand new freaking 600 dollar phone. i hate my freaking school.

4 10 2010
lara21167

Ok, Janey are you saying your phone was stolen, so you got a new one and it was stolen too?? I am sorry to hear that, I don’t know why people have to take things that don’t belong to them.

4 10 2010
lara21167

Hey since you are in High School, I am trying to encourage Kristy into doing a college prep program in High School. She is smart enough, just a lot of work, but I think it’ll pay off. What do you think Janey?

5 10 2010
janey

yes i am saying that and i was VERY upset. actually i dont even know what the word for what i was is. the first time i was upset. the second time.? i was threatning bloody murder in the principals office.

and yes to the prep program def.! high schools pretty tough now and well at least in NY its a graduation requirement to take and pass at least two college level classes. mines are Womens Lit and Child Development. and the SAT and ACT are crucial and i def advice her to take it more than twice if possible. yes its a grueling five hours and her back will hurt and shell get frustraded but when the admissions board sees she took it like three time even if she did great the first time they will hold her to a higher standard and that might b the draw line between her and someone else w the same GPA.

talking about college. DID I TELL YOU GUYS ABOUT MY INTERVIEW W HOLLINS UNIVERSITY.?!! i have an interview w them on october 15th.!

and OMGGGGG.! our womens choir was asked to perform w the College of Saint Rose at a HUGE event that weve been raising money for for the last 6 months and we were not allowed to talk about becuase there was A LOT of things that needed to be aproved by the school board. today, the final paper was approved. WE ARE GOING TO COSTA RICA FOR A WEEK.! we have 3 performances theres and one of them is in the cathedral in the capital. we have to raise 25,000 dollars for at least 20 of us to go and the trip to be free.
we have a snack bar after school and we are making close to 700 dollars a week and fund raising doesnt stop til the day before we leave. at this rate, all of us will be able to go. we are SO excited.!

5 10 2010
lara21167

That’s great Janey!! Fundraising is kind of difficult right now, with the economy, but work hard and you’ll get there. Thanks for the advise on the college prep. She doesn’t really want to do it, but we are looking for a new place to live and the college prep is only offered at the high school she wants to go to so we can move anywhere in the county and she’ll still get to go to the school she wants to. Bribery never hurts. lol

5 10 2010
janey

thats cool. where are you moving to.?

7 10 2010
janey

ugh. tmobile is retarted. they finally send me a new phone. they sent the wrong one.

9 10 2010
janey

im on ma way to take my SAT’s AGIAN. lol ugh
i hate thats its saturday and this test is 5 hours long :/

11 10 2010
lara21167

Prob too late, but best of luck on the SAT’s Janeylou. We are looking for a duplex with a yard.

11 10 2010
janey

aww thats cool :]
and i hope i got that 1700 or higher i was hoping for

13 10 2010
janey

so. i have applied to 9 different schools so far.
and. im EXHAUSTED. i NEVER want to see another
college application in my LIFE.!
ughhh :/

14 10 2010
janey

my interview with Hollins University is tomorrow.!

15 10 2010
Witchypoo

Good luck, Janey-Dear! Let us know how you think it went.

Take care.

15 10 2010
janey

It went GREAT.! Theyre goin to call me in Two to three weeks and let me know.!

21 10 2010
janey

sooo i have SO much goin on and not enough time lol
i will write again soon and let you know everything thats going on.
also, where is everyone.?! lol

22 10 2010
janey

i just watched a video, where a baby is dictating a letter to his mother. he’s still in the womb, and he’s telling her how happy he is and how much fun he is having, growing and waiting to meet her. it was really cute, until one day, the mother walked into an abortion clinic. at this time, the baby starts pleading to the mother, please, don’t do it, i love you. then, as they show the process of the abortion; how they rip apart the baby as they suck him from his mothers womb, you hear the baby screaming, begging his mother to save him; to stop them; they are killing him. it was the saddest thing i have ever seen in my life. and believe me, i’ve seen very sad things. it broke my heart.

unfortunately this is something that has become a very vivid part in many women’s lives. in today’s society, it has become something that happens on a daily basis. before, in older days, and even now, depending on culture; abortion was something taboo. meant to be done in secret, and kept that way until the day the woman died. lately it has become a quick fix. a way to move on, and forget anything ever did happen until you start believing nothing really did.

i understand circumstances. i understand situations, pain, hurt, broken hearts, desperation. really, i understand. what i dont understand is trading one of God’s greatest blessings for yet more pain, more hurt, more desperation. people, especially today’s young women think that abortion is the ultimate answer to all. and doctor’s who are after your money, not your morals, will convince you of just that, to get you to go through with it. they don’t tell you of the emotional consequences that comes with an abortion. they don’t tell you about the guilt and the depression that follows. but that is not the reason i am writing this.

a baby, no matter what stage of development it is in, is still just that. a baby. we are not by any means given the right to take life. from anyone. specially the life God has given you a chance to bring into this world. abortion has become legalized murder. more children die via abortions every year, than people have been killed in the two world wars combined. that says a lot. more than a lot. in any event i am not writing this to discuss statistics. i am writing to encourage the young women in my community, and women in society in general to please join me in the fight against abortion. killing is killing. and i personally believe that nothing screams murder louder than taking a life that has not had a chance to begin.

God loves every single one of us the same, and if you have had an abortion, God offers forgiveness. Just like i understand circumstances and situations, there is no one who understands more than God. i was taught to believe that God will never give you more than you can handle. yes, I understand feeling like it is bad timing, or like maybe you are not ready, or maybe motherhood isn’t for you; maybe it is, just not right now. the bottom line is, God gave you this great blessing and you should take care of it and cherish it, because you might not get another one like it, when you really do want it.

if you know you don’t want children at all, or not right now, please practice safe sex. the safest way of doing that is to abstain from it, until it is right in God’s eyes. if you were being careful and you got pregnant anyway, please consider adoption. there are hundreds of couple who can’t have children and would love to have one to love and care for. don’t waste God’s gift of life. if you don’t want it, pass it on.

God Bless You.

so i just wrote this after watching the video i mentioned in the first sentence. tell me what you think ;]

26 10 2010
lara21167

Very convincing Janey, well written, would make a great debate article, although a very touchy subject.

29 10 2010
janey

hanging out with my little man. God, i love him so much.!
he is the funniest little kid i have ever met.
also flying to Hollins next weekend with my friend Linda
for a weekend college visit.!
im so excited.!

2 11 2010
janey

MY SISTER IS PREGNANT.! IM SO EXCITED.! WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOREVER FOR HER TO HAVE KIDS LOL YAY.!

12 11 2010
janey

so Hollins was AMAZING this weekend. i have found the PERFECT college. i already loved it but i had to make sure so i flew to VA and checked it out. it is everything i would ever hope for in a school. its just, well, perfect. i love it. i cant wait to hear back and see if i got in. i hope i do.

15 11 2010
lara21167

Congrats Janey on your sis’s pregnancy and good luck with your school. I’m sure you’ll get in.

21 11 2010
janey

my sister lost her baby.

24 11 2010
janey

sick as a dog. can’t even begin to tell you how horrible i feel right now

25 11 2010
janey

Happy Thanksgiving.!

12 12 2010
janey

where IS everyone ?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: